The Diary of a sick girlMarch 15, 2014
I guess I should start this off by saying the old cliche, “Dear Diary,” but it’s exactly that, cliche. I missed school again today, but what’s new. It’s only my 25th absence of this year alone. I feel like every time I miss another day of school I disappoint my mother beyond words. The look on her face each morning I tell her to call me in just absolutely breaks my heart. I don’t see my friends anymore. They seem to just brush me off now when I try to message them. They’ll read the message, but not reply. They say that it’s just too hard to have a conversation with me when I’m so far out of the loop of what is going on at school. So I really don’t have anyone to talk to anymore. That’s probably why I decided to start this journal or diary, in order to have a place to vent. I spend my time doing missed work and wishing my bed would swallow me whole. I can only hold a pencil for about half an hour before excruciating pain shoots through my hand causing me to have to take a break. I’ve watched a lot of Netflix in my time off. So much that I now have trouble finding something I haven’t watched yet. I don’t sleep much thanks to the pain so I get through a lot of episodes in a single day. My new meds have caused me to lose my appetite. Thanks to this I’ve lost about thirty pounds bringing me to a solid 90 pounds. The doctors don’t seem concerned quite yet due to the fact that the last prescription they had me on caused me to gain twenty of the thirty pound I just lost. Losing and gaining weight isn’t even the worst part of all of this. The incurable pain and the depression it brings are the worst parts. Each day it gets harder and harder to see the light that there will be days that I’ll be able to get out of bed. Days that my limbs won’t feel like they’re on fire. Days I won’t want to dig out my chest in hopes of relieving some of the pressure. A life with chronic illness is a life I wouldn’t wish on anyone. My hand is starting to hurt so I guess I should wrap this up. I’ll write again when I can. I hope this brings some relief to the chaos in my mind. Until next time. ~Bug |